So I put down "brave" and picked up "beautiful". I wanted to learn more about being brave but I guess my Father wants me to know how beautiful I am to Him. Looking back it's perfect really because a lot of the time I don't feel beautiful. I get impatient, and am pretty stubborn. It's not fun to look in the mirror anymore because of my "pizza" face! I hate it when I go to the mall to poke around and I see myself in those long mirrors because I instantly feel nerdy and hate my clothes. Ridiculous really ;)
So yeah, I'll admit it...lately, I haven't felt very beautiful.
My Father hears my silent cries that I don't even notice myself, He is so good to lovingly point this out to me. A couple days ago my study asked me to journal a prayer asking our Father, "Do you think I'm beautiful?" I thought, this is crazy! I shouldn't ask Him that, I felt kind of uncomfortable because I already knew the answer to that question. I felt like I should be learning new and different things! Not things I already knew. It was kind of weird for me for whatever reason, I guess I felt like I was fishing for compliments in some way. Silly me. My entry was something like this...
"Hey Papa, I feel kind of silly asking you if you think I'm beautiful? I mean, I already know the answer, I'm just being honest. (I like to keep it real) but I'll go ahead and ask anyway...do you think I'm beautiful? I know you delight in showing your love so it's my heart's prayer today that you'd show me how beautiful I am to you."
*side note-by saying I already know the answer, it's not because I think I'm beautiful. I just know how much He loves me ;)
My study suggests I date my letter, when He answers me and write down how He answered me and what He did. Ok, I wrote my letter June 6, 2012 and here I sit four days later with a heart overflowing with joy at my Father's love for me. First off, ever since I wrote my letter I keep seeing this verse...
Just so ya know, this is not me seeking out answers or verses on love and beauty. I like to sit back and let Him come to me which is the whole point correct? He delights in showing us His love, we don't have to seek it out. It's already there! This verse has literally been popping up in random places. Anyway, I after I kept seeing this verse I thought, "The King is enthralled by my beauty?!" Enthralled means "captivated, smitten, fascinated, spellbound, and delighted". So beautiful but for whatever reason, after I kept seeing it, I wasn't totally moved just yet. I didn't feel that heart pounding "this is IT!" moment that I normally do when I know for sure without a shadow of a doubt it's my answer so I waited...but not for long.
My answer, June 9, 2012
It's a bit of a trail, but when I put all the pieces together, it makes perfect sense.
"You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well...When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."Psalm 139:13-16
From there I read 1 John 4:7-18, a section completely devoted to God's love. Then I close my study and pick up my devotional, "Jesus Calling". It was so beautiful and matched perfectly along with what I had just read. Then I notice the verses at the bottom, at this point my spirit really perks up because anytime my devotional has the same verses as my study when the two have absolutely nothing to do with one another, I know God is trying to get my attention. The timing is perfect.
"...focusing on His immeasurable love for me, it allows Him to love others through me. His love will quiet my fears and give me confidence." 1 John 4:18 Life Application (I changed a few us's and you's to me's to make it my own)
Ok Papa, I hear ya, you LOOOVE me very very very x's infinity much! I know He's at work but I haven't quite grasped the fullness of it yet so I close my eyes and just meditate and spend precious moments with Him. As I pray, it hits me like a ton of bricks.
"KK, I have put you together piece by perfect piece. Don't you see? I made you the way I see perfectly fit (wow, I am truly having that heart pounding moment as I write this, as He speaks through me at this very moment. Be still my heart!!) Everything about you, from the top of your head right down to the very tip of your toes, I created and put you together myself. You are my perfect little puzzle that I put together. Do I think you're beautiful? Let me count the ways! Everything about you, I created you to be, my child! I think you are a most beautiful creation because I created you and I love you more than you will ever comprehend! Quiet your doubts sis, you may be stubborn and impatient at times but guess what? I created you that way! So do not fear or doubt and be so hard on yourself but have confidence in these truths."
Do I feel beautiful? Well, for one I feel floored! And yes, I feel beautiful. I feel joyful and LOVED. Everything about me that I don't' care for...my crazy hair, those extra pounds, all my insecurities, He sees me as perfect. Perfectly beautiful. Now I grasp the full concept of Him being enthralled by my beauty, he is "captivated, smitten, fascinated, spellbound, and delighted" by me! Lil' old me, because He made me ;) Wow. I feel like I've just unearthed this great and glorious treasure! Thank you Father for helping me to understand and for showing me how beautiful I am to you!
I'd like to encourage you sisters!! Ask your Father how beautiful you are to Him, let Him show you! He delights in showing you these things if you only let Him ;D
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